Friday, June 19, 2009

Regrets, I've had a few...

Sometimes making a mistake is the right thing to do. We don’t usually see that though. In the aftermath of what went wrong we get caught up in imagining how it could have been, how it SHOULD have been. “Should” is probably my single least favorite word in the English language. “Should” usually causes more pain and destruction than the mistake ever could, or ever will. “Should” is short sighted and tends to stunt growth. Should keeps you standing still, and where you’re standing isn’t anywhere real. Should. Should have. Shouldn’t have. They’re not just words, they’re a force, like an evil gravity that keeps you orbiting every bad decision you ever made. With should as your guide you can look back and see all the warning signs you were oblivious to on your decent, all the emergency exits you missed. I shouldn’t have gotten in that car. I should have gone to college. I shouldn’t have kissed that guy. I should have just kept my mouth shut…

I like to think of parallel universes. It’s comforting to think that somewhere, in some universe, there is a Michelle who has made all the right moves. But, for the first time, I’m glad that I’m not her. I make mistakes on a daily basis. I’m never happy about them. I never feel good about the fact that I’ve hurt someone or broken something or let myself be maneuvered into a difficult situation. But, at the same time, I love my mistakes. Because mistakes are always more than just mistakes. If you listen to what they’re trying to tell you sometimes they help you grow and sometimes they show you how you’ve already grown more than you realize.

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