Tuesday, July 7, 2009

On Crushes and Crushing

I realized recently that getting over a crush is strikingly similar to the Kubler-Ross model from “On Death and Dying”. The traditional 5 stages are:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Getting over a crush goes something like this:

Denial: “He’s only ignoring me because he likes me!”

Self Loathing: “If only I were prettier, smarter, funnier, skinnier, etc… he would like me.” Often followed by a vicious cycle of ice cream and elliptical machines.

Anger: “What the hell is his problem?! I’m cute and smart and funny and I actually like him! That’s not enough for him?!” This stage usually includes beer and cursing.

Sad Acceptance: You’ve given up hope that he’s ever going to show up on your front lawn with a boom-box held over his head. You’re mostly okay with this but every so often you think about that time when you were so sure he was flirting with you…and that smile… There is usually more ice cream. Or cookies. Cookies are good.

Peaceful Acceptance: This is where you get all zen talking about how it was never meant to be and how you can see now that he was all wrong for you and it never would have worked out and you wish him well and you hope he finds love and the universe will provide and you go from downward facing dog into child’s pose.

Ooooh Shiny! aka Hey… who’s that guy?: Eventually a new guy walks into the bar and the cycle starts from the beginning. This is a floater stage because shiny can happen at anytime rendering the rest of the steps unnecessary.

In conclusion: Liking someone who doesn’t like you back epically sucks. But you get over it. And something shiny is always just around the corner.