Crawling my way up from 10 years old to 20 took forever, every year felt sooooooooo long, as if I was 15 for 100 years and it was always winter and never Christmas and White Walkers were lurking around every corner (Narnia/Game of Thrones cross over anyone?). I thought twenty was never going to get here. I thought I was always going to be an awkward child, forever longing for that mythical land of my twenties where I would be free and I would know who I was and I would walk through life with confidence and grace and look back and laugh at the pitiful little creature I used to be. And then, finally, I was twenty. But goddamnit I blinked my eyes and now I’m 31. What. The. Fuck.
My twenties, the glorious romp through self discovery where you learn to become the beautiful butterfly you always knew you would be? Yeah, that lasted about a minute.
I squandered my twenties. Sure there were times where I was being all that I could be; backpacking through Australia, skydiving in Vegas…but sometime around 25 things started to change and I started to feel stuck. I took a retail job after graduation “while I was figuring things out” and it took me 5 years fight my way free. The pay is shit, the work is miserable and before you know it you start feeling like you’re not qualified to do anything else. Especially if that fancy college degree that was supposed to set you up for life- was a BA in English Lit. So, instead of traveling and experimenting and having wild and crazy times that destroyed my credit history and left me with interesting scars- I was living in my parent’s basement and fretting about finding a “real job” so I could pay off my car loan and move out and maybe have a buck or two left over for my piggy bank.
It is sadly appropriate that I’m writing about squandering time today since I spent the entire day on the couch. (What? Band of Brothers marathon on Memorial Day, it would have been unpatriotic to turn off the TV. ) But I am working on it. After spending this past year mourning my lost youth I decided it was time to snap out of it. I’m 31; my life isn’t exactly over yet. It’s not even half time. And there’s still so many things I want to do. And I’m tired of saying that I’ll get to them someday. Screw, that, I’ll get to them now.
There will be no grieving this year, no excuses. This year I have set 31 goals and challenges for myself to celebrate turning 31 and to kick off my thirties the way I should have last year.
One of these goals: blog every week. Seriously, $15 a year for this domain name I need to stop dithering. So, every week, I’ll be here. It may not be good, it may not be much, but it’ll be something. I’m posting the rest of my challenges/goals in the "Thirty-one things" tab up top and I’ll be blogging and vlogging about my progress, so wish me luck and stay tuned.
Happy Memorial Day! (watch Band of Brothers)